03 September 2012

Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

The past 3 weeks or so have been a roller coaster, to say the least. As I commented here, before Isaac came, I was exhausted. There had been a lot happening in life, I was getting tired, emotional, and was quite close to burnout, I expect. But Isaac rejuvenated me enough to get me here to today. 

And today, I am exhausted again. Impatient, short with people, curt, and just need to sleep. 

But you look at my past 3 weeks, though, you would understand. 

3 weeks ago, we had our security measures increased dramatically due to an increase in international female kidnappings. Now, our curfew is at 10:30pm, we have drivers all the time, cannot walk by ourselves anywhere, and have to text and discuss our movements down to the nth degree. When I am in Leogane, where I don't really know anyone, after the office closes, my only option is to stay in the house. Seemingly under house arrest. Oh, and this is only for women...and ANYONE who knows me would know how I feel about that.

Oh, and around that time, a great majority of our management staff were out of the country, which means there was an increased workload on us all around. 

2 weeks ago, we had a tropical storm hit Haiti, during which I was stuck in the house in Leogane. The storm caused damage in our operational areas, which means that I was out on the field doing assessments and planning a response. 

1 week ago, I initiated a more in-depth assessment, while also trying to finalise evaluations, donor reporting, finishing up reports that others never finished, manage consultants, and work with the rest of my colleagues to make the right decisions around our response. While it was great and exciting, it was exhausting. By Sunday, I was beat and needed a day at the beach to recover. 

And then this weekend happened. I had left most of my stuff in Leogane, because I knew I was going to be back there, come Monday, for the week. And I knew I would not need much over the weekend. So, hey, why not make life easier and only bring the essential items back with me (thankfully,  my passport and ipod were on that list)? 

And then the house was broken into on Friday night, any room which was open (mine included) was gone through and things were taken. Including my bag of clothes. With probably about 3/4 of the clothes I wear regularly here, underwear included. I didn't know about this until this morning, when I got to Leogane, walked into my room and the bag was gone. No hope of finding anything. Well, my trainers were recovered in the banana plantation out back. Woo. Thanks, thieves. 

So, I am back to being exhausted, frustrated yet slightly emotionless. I am ready for a break. Haiti can get to you, sometimes - as I wrote here - it can provide you with some interesting adventures. My friend today told me, well, at least you have a story... 

Yes. Haiti has provided me with stories. More stories than I could probably ever share. 

But they are not always the best stories. They are stories that are tiring, frustrating, where you just want to escape. 

Am I a fool for staying? Or maybe I just need an escape for a short while.

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